If Kids Wrote Instruction Manuals

This article originally appeared on mycity4kids.

When kids are little they like to bang and throw everything right from the car keys to your favorite fluted champagne glass (don’t ask me how they get that in their hands). And have no remorse if either one is rendered non-functional.

OK, kids will be kids. We say!

And when I recently saw my daughter shaking a 7up bottle frantically (which she had been asked not to do and reasons well explained with demonstration) I thought to myself…what if, kids wrote instruction manuals to the way things should be used?

Take for e.g.

Television:

  • Tear open the box
  • Jump and dance on all the bubble wrap
  • Plug in the TV
  • If nothing comes on, howl and cry
  • After an hour of deep lamentation look at the remote control
  • Note: Playing with things such as cricket ball, tennis ball or any object that can directly fly into the T.V. screen is highly recommended

 

Television Remote:

  • Frantically press all buttons
  • Get angry, bang and throw it around
  • Accidentally glance at the empty battery casing
  • Insert batteries
  • Do the #Macarena

 

 

Electrical Sockets

  • Stare at them in awe
  • Stealthily grab any sharp object when no one’s looking
  • Insert it into the socket
  • When you hear someone scream, run away
  • Repeat
  • Do the #Gangnam Style

 

Cell phone

  • Ideally banging it would be fun but you may also
  • Drop it like it’s hot!
  • Pour or dip or let it swim in any liquid and wait for someone to react
  • Hide it in places no one can find
  • Oh and if all of the above get boring, then use it to make/answer phone calls

 

Tablet

  • Snatch it when the FedEx guy delivers it
  • Drop the box and watch someone almost pass out
  • Open the box with an urgency like the one when you need to pee real bad
  • Try and figure out how to use it
  • Get glued to it
  • When asked to put it away, start crying for food
  • When served food, take forever to finish it, like you were never hungry.

 

Refrigerator, once plugged in

  • Open the door to stare at the contents several times an hour
  • Assume the door is a Monkey bar and hang on it
  • Wait for someone to yell at you
  • Repeat
  • Get yelled at again
  • Repeat like you never heard them
  • Finally ask for ice knowing well that your cold is at its worse
  • Do the #hokey pokey

 

Band Aids

  • Open the box, it better be the Chota Bheem series
  • Apply band-aids whenever you feel like for no apparent reason (injury)
  • Throw wrappers around for someone to pick up
  • Leave none in the box for the times when you really need them
  • Cry when you really need them

 

All Toys

  • Get excited at the sight of any toy
  • Fight with friends/siblings over them
  • Use none of them
  • Break all of them
  • Do the #Birdie dance

 

And of course, general rule of thumb for all things on the floor especially liquids, just run across the house like a blind bat and roll in the mess.

By the way, that 7up bottle, it didn’t survive and now we are mourning it’s sad demise with water.

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